Just when I thought nothing else could wreck my day, the fire alarm went off. I was standing in the bathroom at the time, flat ironing my hair when the sprinklers came on and ruin everything that I’ve been working on for the past 25 minutes. Dropping my flat iron and sinking down to the floor I began to silently weep. At this point, if there was a fire I wouldn’t mind getting sucked into the flames. My mind and body went numb. I was now completely drenched. I just didn’t know from what, My tears or from the sprinklers. I closed my eyes and laid down on the floor. Slowing my breaths and losing my mind. When I rolled over, That’s when It happened, I felt the spirit. Holding me, earnestly squeezing me tight. It was my protection. My mind tried to wrap around the horrible thoughts going through my mind. How can something so special just stop breathing? Someone who thoughts wanted this very exact thing to happen. Why did this have to happen? I couldn’t understand why something I wanted my entire life now seemed silly for me to attempt. I went back and forth with the clinic weeks before. She just kept saying it would be 800 dollars. She told me I needed to hurry, that after a certain amount of time my options would fade away. At that moment, I wish I could fade away, that I could stop breathing. He wanted this, this is what he wants. Nevertheless, My wish was just the opposite. My anxiety was disabling. I couldn’t catch my breath. I didn’t know where I was. Everything was pitch black. Wasn’t I just in the bathroom? My imagination was playing tricks on me. Blinding me. I began to shake, to wither. That’s when she opened the door. “Why are you laying in the closet, what happened to you?” At that moment all I could see is red. I don’t know how she got me in the car but when I came to we were on the highway. My aunt followed the sign that said hospital to the left. I felt weak, Non-existing. I heard my aunt talking to the nurse, “I found her in the closet”. I blacked out until the excruciating pain took over me. I could not figure out why I had to go through this. Through the pain, I prayed to the universe, To God, anyone that would listen to take me back to the swallowing flames. I sure did feel the burning inside of me. The nurse kept asking me questions, but her words smashed together and my ears wouldn’t let me comprehend her terms. Asking me if I was pregnant or not caught my attention. I looked at her or through her “Mam are you currently pregnant.” I shake my head Yes than No. I think she could figure out by my involuntary screams. How much pain I was in. My aunt answers by saying “I believe she is having a miscarriage.” I forgot she was in the room. I was so embarrassed that she was seeing me this way. That anyone was witnessing my pain. What a whole new light I was in. The pain medicine she gave me made me so scared. I prayed that I wasn’t there. That I could escape this horrible beige room. I started pacing back and forth while waiting for the nurse to take me to ultrasound. All she was going to do is confirm what the nurse had told me two weeks prior. The dysfunction within my mental state started to take a toll. I’ve dreaded this day. I carried this baby for 3 weeks that didn’t have a heartbeat. Now the inevitable has begun and I have no clue how to handle or get over this. I remember crying out then everything went hazy. The last thing I remember was laying on my aunt’s sofa. She fed me the pain pills that were prescribed to me. Sinking further into the couch I begin to lose my thoughts. My new view of reality. I closed my eyes as the rain began to pour outside. I prayed the storm will put out the fire I felt in my heart. The burning pain that inflamed my body and mind. The flame that blazed my soul.