As a Libra Stellium, I have the tendency to people please. This has dictated so many decisions I’ve made in Life.  The Judgement of it all. Not being perceived as this pretty princess who has her life together can cause one to obsess about their thoughts and actions in their personal life. Maybe left with the feelings of being less than. But F that, I’m here to live. However, the judgment has brought me to a space where I now find myself thinking about what others would think of the decisions I make. How I may look to people on the outside. A good example of this is having kids before marriage. I chose to have a baby before I was married for no particular reason other than to rush into that aspect of life. I know from experience that jumping into a life commitment like that can come with dire consequences.

Fortunately, I was able to recover and find a partner who is willing to provide fully for myself and my daughter. Always with plans of marriage, making it official at the age of 22 didn’t seem near with a pregnancy and an immature relationship and sadly me being an immature woman. I was not mentally ready for all marriage had to offer and what it even looked like to be a good wife. I let it go because Drake said “wtf wants to get married in their 20s anyway.” Long story short 9 years and 3 kids later I’m still without a ring so the self-judging has set in. Recently, I just received a comment on one of my YouTube videos stating “All these women with kids, but where are they daddies, stop having children if you don’t wanna be married, what your daughter wants is a dad” That comment really just blew me. Wondering if my womanhood was authentic if I didn’t have a man bend his knee for me. My partner the father of my children does everything my husband would do for me. Given vehicles, access to bank account accounts, and credit cards. Bills paid faithfully without the struggle of making my own living. Faithful, loving, protects, and provides wants and needs while fathering. So why do I feel like I’m owed those privileges legally? I mean I do. But what’s the rush? Should there be a rush?

We have talked about it and honestly, we’ve come to the conclusion that neither one of us was mentally ready or mature at the time but now it’s different. Yet, still, I’m living with the judgment of being an unmarried woman with kids but living a married life. Still just trying to figure out life. Papa told me not to worry about it. He never wants me to worry. So I know it’s something he wants done right but will the judgment linger until our anniversary day. Luckily I know what it is and I’m not too worried, But I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel or still do feel the pressure of what the outside world thinks of me and my family.

 So Here it is. 

Some tips and tricks that I use to say Fuck all that! 

I dont care what others think of me nor my own self-judgements that I have made for myself. 

Cheers to releasing and healing the fear of judgment.

Overcoming the fear of judgment and not caring what others think is a crucial aspect of personal development and mental well-being.

Below are some scholarly insights, tips, and tricks that can help you release your fears and heal from the burdens of judgment!

*** Ky Pro Tip

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):

   – Research shows that CBT can effectively help individuals change negative thought patterns related to fear of judgment. It teaches individuals to challenge irrational beliefs and develop healthier thought processes (Hofmann et al., 2012).

2. Self-Compassion:

   – Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion emphasizes treating oneself with kindness during times of failure or difficulty. Practicing self-compassion can lead to reduced anxiety and a greater ability to cope with judgment (Neff, 2003).

3. Mindfulness and Acceptance:

   – Mindfulness practices encourage individuals to observe their thoughts without judgment. Research indicates that mindfulness can reduce anxiety and help individuals become more accepting of themselves and their circumstances (Keng et al., 2011).

4. Social Comparison Theory:

   – Studies suggest that individuals who frequently compare themselves to others are more likely to feel inadequate and fear judgment. Limiting social comparisons can help reduce these feelings (Festinger, 1954).

 Tips and Tricks

1. Practice Self-Compassion:

   – When you feel judged, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and has flaws. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend in a similar situation.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts:

   – Identify negative thoughts about yourself and challenge them. Ask yourself if these thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Replace them with positive affirmations.

3. Limit Social Media Exposure:

   – Social media often exacerbates feelings of comparison and judgment. Limit your time on these platforms, or curate your feed to include positive influences.

4. Engage in Mindfulness Practices:

   – Incorporate mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga, into your daily routine. These practices can help you stay grounded and reduce anxiety about judgment.

5. ***Focus on Values, Not Opinions:

   – Identify your core values and make decisions based on them rather than the opinions of others. This can help you feel more aligned with your true self.

6. ***Seek Supportive Relationships:

   – Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Engaging in positive and accepting relationships can help you feel less judged.

7. ***Limit Exposure to Judgmental Environments:

   – If certain situations or environments make you feel judged, consider stepping back from them. Create a safe space where you can express yourself without fear.

8. Keep a Journal:

   – Writing about your feelings and experiences can help you process emotions and gain perspective. Reflecting on your thoughts can allow you to release fears of judgment.

9. Reframe Failure:

   – View failures as opportunities for growth rather than reflections of your worth. This perspective can reduce the fear of judgment associated with making mistakes.

10. Set Realistic Expectations:

    – Understand that you cannot please everyone. Set realistic expectations for yourself regarding how others perceive you, and focus on being true to yourself.

Releasing the fear of judgment takes time and practice. By employing these strategies and grounding your self-worth in your values and self-compassion, you can cultivate a healthier mindset that is less affected by external opinions. Remember that everyone experiences judgment, and learning to navigate it can lead to greater emotional resilience and personal growth.

Baby You Got This !

 References

– Festinger, L. (1954). A Theory of Social Comparison Processes. *Human Relations*, 7(2), 117-140.

– Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Meta-Analysis. *Cognitive Therapy and Research*, 36(5), 427-440.

– Keng, S. L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: A review of empirical studies. *Clinical Psychology Review*, 31(6), 1041-1056.

– Neff, K. D. (2003). The Development and Validation of a Scale to Measure Self-Compassion. *Self and Identity*, 2(3), 223-250.