Honestly the start of this January has been just beyond me. So please let me vent. First off I want to say how wonderful it has been to see a clear reflection of me and how I can improve. I think often how my mind moves outside of my realizations. How often I can’t process my thoughts but somehow I just keep moving. Right now I’m riddled with the fact that I’m losing everything I worked hard for. My car has been out of commission for a month. Now having to let go a job I enjoyed. I have financial responsibilities attempting to run a business, adjusting to a new level in motherhood and dealing with the sorrows many of my loved ones have left me with. How I view my relationships. How I see myself.

Shutting down is my typical response along with distractions and food. I keep telling myself everything is perfect. Now thinking maybe I can take a few weeks off. Focus on the brand new house my man just got for us, I definitely need time to reassess and regroup. I haven’t been keeping schedule or working on this “dream body” I’ve been talking about for a years now. Just wallowing on what my team/client thinks about me and apparently being bitchy towards the closest people to me but I digress.

Now more than ever I just wanna shut up and indulge in savory comfort food maybe find a good book but I did checked myself and when I do decide to indulge, it will be healthy comfort food. I mean the world is going to shit and Im just here worrying about my materials, my status. Worrying about my pride and ego (sassi) Kim people are dying. It’s almost as if my scales been tipped the way I’ve been cutting eyes and throwing knifes. Cutting off anyone who ever thought they had something over me not a one up please. Tuh.

As you can see I’m having a tough time balancing and would really like to go forward to a time when everything is copacetic. For now I’m bound to the present even though the clock is still moving, second by second. I think about not being so harsh on myself and giving myself permission to go after my dream. Making the leap from them to me but something hasn’t clicked yet.